June 24, 2007

A Banana, The Atheists Nightmare, Apparently

You have probably seen the video of the nutcases presenting the fatuous argument that the banana is the atheists nightmare because it seems to fit in to the human hand, Has an easy to open tab - Just like a soda can - and is easy to digest, So it's been designed by god.

While this argument may appear to be water tight to to your average religious nut who has no idea about science and natural selection, To the rest of us it's obviously bogus.

Firstly the banana could have evolved through natural selection to be easy to open, easy to digest and easy to hold simply because those are the types of bananas monkeys would select first, and as such they defecate the seeds out in to a nice pile of dung which makes them more likely to grow into trees that produce the favorable type of banana. This in it's self blows the creationist argument out of the water, But there is another reason why their "god designed the banana" is wrong.

The wild banana, the one that god made, Is black, tastes disguising, Is full of seed and is hard to digest. It wasn't until humans started cultivating bananas that we obtained, Over thousands of years, The typical banana we see today.

The real bananas, The ones god made, Look like this

I was going to ask what the hell was thinking when he "designed" the pineapple, But i don't think i have to now.

June 18, 2007

Jesus Condoms

What could possibly be better than safe, fun sex? Safe, fun blasphemous sex of course. Christian Condoms
has a nice range of contraception for the Christian about town who's feeling lucky.

The condoms include phrases on the packets like;
He who sins sexually sins against his own body (And with luck, Somebody else's too)

Honour God with your body (Preferably multiple times a day)

Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery (so why just look?)

Not recommended for catholics.

I am unsure if the condoms themselves offer and kind or blasphemous humor, But it would be funny to have a little picture of Jesus on them, Perhaps they come in holy communion wine flavour. I'll have to buy a pack and find out.

June 17, 2007

The Trouble With Islam

I was sent this video earlier and had to post it. It's a speach by a fellow Brit outlining some of the problems people are facing with Islam.
He raises some very good points.

Americas Top Doctor Cures Gays For God

George Bush has recently announced Dr. James Holsinger, A cardiologist and co-founder of Hope Springs Community Church, a congregation that believes homosexuality is a matter of choice and can be cured, As the new surgeon General.

Holsinger, In his wisdom, stated in a 1991 paper he wrote for the church that the male and femal reproductive organs are like "pipe fittings", And that because plumbers use the terms male and femal for pipes that fit together perfectly homosexuality is wrong.

But Holsinger goes one step further (as if his moronic analogies weren't enough), He also believes that homosexuality is something that can be cured.

"He has a pretty clear bias against gays and lesbians," said Christina Gilgor, director of the Kentucky Fairness Alliance, a gay rights group. "This ideology flies in the face of current scientific medical studies. That makes me uneasy that he rejects science and promotes ideology."

As president of the Methodist Church's national Judicial Council, Holsinger voted last year to support a pastor who blocked a gay man from joining a congregation. And in 2004, he voted to expel a lesbian from the clergy even though the majority of the panel voted to keep the lesbian associate pastor in place.

As this man has an obvious intollerance towards homosexuality, Should he even be considered a real doctor? let alone the most important doctor in america?

10 Questions To Ask A Christian

If you ever find yourself in the unfortunate postilion of having to spend time next to a christian it's important that you have things to say. Often at times when the christian feels the conversation is drying up they will start quoting passages from the bible in an attempt to indoctrinate you.

So what i have done is compose a list of questions you can put to the christian to keep them on their toes. or if you are already a Christian, Try these questions on your priest, Minister or Pastor.

1. Why does god hate amputees? - There has never been a case of a single amputee growing back an arm or a leg yet god (supposedly) sees fit to regularly cure cancer sufferers and the blind.

2. Biblical Law - In Matthew 5:17-18 it states that Jesus wants Christians to follow the old testament word for word. Why don't they? And why do they actively disregard the parts of the old testament which they don't agree with or which are socially unacceptable these day, Like child slavery?

3. Eye of a needle - If Jesus said it's difficult, Even impossible, For a rich man to get in to the kingdom of heaven why do so many rich people believe in Jesus? why is it the goal of nearly every single christian to become rich? And why do TV evangelists always want your money?

4. Did god create Cancer and aids - Did he? If so why? And why do good Christians also get them? Or was it a mistake? And if it was, Why not do something about it now?

5. Bible Revisions - The bible read by Christians of today differs by many chapters and thousand of paragraphs from the original. Which one is the word of god and why does man edit it?

6. Second Commandment - If the 2Nd Commandment is "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image" why do Christians wear crosses, Have statues and make films with Jesus' graven image on them?

7. Jesus Loves? - If Jesus loves why did he say "I will kill her children. Then all the churches will know that I am the one who searches hearts and minds." in Revelation 2:23. Is Jesus really a child killer?

8. Allegory - The bible states that the Earth is between 6,000 and 8,000 years old, that it was created in 7 days, and that Man is made of dirt and Woman a piece of Man. The modern church says this is allegory. Where does it say in the bible that it is allegory?

9. Witch trials, Inquisitions and crusades - Historians estimate the total number of people executed in the name of Jesus is as high as 15 million (mostly Jews, "witches" and pagans). How does it feel knowing that Jesus is responsible for 3 times as many deaths as Hitler?

10. The only real SIN. - In Mark 3:29 it says "but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin". Is it true that paedophiles and child killers can be forgiven and get in to heaven but disbelievers can't?

New Zealand Fights Against Christianity

A recent poll in New Zealand showed that the majority of the population are against having Christianoty as thier official religion.

Only 35% (a third) agree with christianity being the official religion of New Zealand.

"To put this in context, in the 2006 census more than two million New Zealanders, or 55.6 per cent of those who answered the Census question about religious affiliation, said they were affiliated with a Christian religion." Said Mr Kalafatelis, The director of Research New Zealand.

The poll found men to be more opposed to Christianity than women with 63% of men disagreeing compared to 54% of women. The poll also found that under 18's were also more opposed than women. it's a sure sign that the youth are starting to move away from organzided religion.

Research New Zealand, a social and business research company, polled 501 randomly selected people aged 15 and over, between June 7 and 9.

The survey followed a call from Destiny Church leader Brian Tamaki for official recognition of Christianity.

June 13, 2007

Why Does God Hate Amputees?

Most religious people you talk to will express a belief in miracles. Miracles are usually defined as something that happens as a result of Divine inspiration, Or God done it.

The religious will present all sorts of "evidence" to prove that God does indeed perform miracles. They range from people being cured of cancer, The blind being able to see again and the wheelchair-bound getting up and walking. Strangely though, God has never performed a "miracle" that has enabled an amputee to regrow their arm or leg.

So if god routinely cures people of cancer, Allows the blind to see again and the crippled to walk why doesn't he, At least once, Regrow an arm for an amputee? Surely there must be at least one christian amputee who has prayed for his arm back.

It seems strange that the things he does cure could have cured themselves, Or perhaps been misdiagnosed in the first place. When someone goes for their second scan and finds no cancer is it not possible that whoever done the first scan misdiagnosed cancer? Is it not possible that someone without sight could regain that sight? And just because someone requires a wheelchair at one point doesn't mean they may require the wheelchair later on. These are things that even the most fundemental Christian has to admit are at least a possibility.

An amputee on the other hand. That is something obvious. It's something we can see. It unlikely that someone would be diagnosed as having an arm missing if they don't actually have an arm missing.

So i ask the Christians. Why does god on numerous occasions cure cancer and blindness, Yet never sees fit to regenerate an arm or a leg?

June 11, 2007

How The Bible Should Look

With warning labels on every other publication and piece of media that contains sex and violence, Why should the bible be exempt? More poeple die in the bible than in pulp fiction (pulp fiction has better hair do's though).

Bible Sparks Obscenity Row In China

The christian bible has sparked an obscenity row in Hong Kong, China, After The Television and Entertainments Licensing Authority (Tela), which oversees the publishing industry, said it had received 208 (reports now speculate over 3000) complaints that text within the holy book was indecent.

A TELA spokeswoman said "I can confirm that the complaints were received, The thrust of the complaints was that the Bible was obscene, that different parts of the Bible were offensive to readers". With Hong Kongs strict laws regarding obscenities in literature I'm surprised the bible has lasted this long.

While the TELA spokeswoman declined to comment on which passages the 208 complains were focused speculation has been mounting, And let's face it, We aren't short of obscenities in the bible. maybe she could narrow it down a bit. Were they sexual obscenities? Violent obscenities? My money is on inscest.

Chuck Norris, The "Christian"

Chuck Norris, The washed up B movie actor and plastic-christian, Recently graced us with an insight into what his campaign promises would be if he were to run for president. And wait for it, He decided to do it in the style of the "chuck Norris Facts". How cool! And two years out of date.

It started off OK with a few little remarks that are obviously not supposed to be taken seriously like [i will] Require members of Congress to work out on the Total Gym 15 minutes each day – or else they can't vote on anything and [i will] Cut spending by dismissing the Secret Service, at least for my eight years in office (why would I need them?). While quite smug and self-aggrandizing they were tongue in cheek.

But then this so called "Christian" took a rather darker turn on his campaign promises (he did write it at 1AM, So maybe the Jack D was kicking in). He continued to make remarks like;
Resolve the Iraq war by bringing all of our military personnel home immediately, then going over there by myself for "martial arts negotiations."
I'm sure the families of those fighting and dying in Iraq loved this one. The cause they are laying down their lives for old chucky boy thinks he can resolve single handed. But it's OK, He's only joking!

Convey my plan for world peace to the United Nations: taking the governor of California with me on our "kick butt and ask questions later" USO world tour.
Bit late Chuck, That is already Americas plan for world peace. It's called "be free, Or get shot"

And my personal favorite;
Tattoo an American flag with the words, "In God we trust," on the forehead of every atheist.
Now I'm all for a joke, But sometimes a true word is said in jest. Can you imagine if an atheist actor made the "joke" of tattooing "i like pork" on the heads of Jews and Muslims or tattooing "Da vinci code is fact" on the foreheads of Christians? There would be absolute outrage, And I'm sure chuck - The plastic Christian - Would be heading that protest.

For a Christian, Chuck, you sure love your oppression, Hatred and violence. You Fraud.